Some Doors Only Open From the Inside

From a whole mess to wholeness

Alice Cunningham
4 min readJul 26, 2021


Photo by E MORAN on Unsplash

Have you ever been adrift in a sea of sadness feeling so lost you didn’t think you’d ever find your way home?

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That was me up until a few years ago.

I’d grappled with a shadowy sadness, a sort of low-level depression throughout my entire life. When I was a child, I didn’t know it wasn’t normal to experience anxiety every day. I just assumed everyone felt the same way I did.

Like many others, my internal struggles stemmed from early childhood issues and persisted throughout my 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, and even into my fifth decade.

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Over the years, I overcame these feelings temporarily by distracting myself with various activities and pursuits such as traveling for work, socializing, cocktailing, and cajoling myself into a false sense of “if I feel good now, everything’s okay, right?


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Later I turned to “PMA” (positive mental attitude) books, videos, conferences, anything I could get my hands, ears or, eyes on to convince myself that I was “OK.” I delved so deeply into this way of thinking that I became the poster child for positivity. “ It can always be worse; just think like a winner.” I’d say to myself and others.

Even though I felt like a total loser with a capital “L.”

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I craved answers, all the while seeking relief by whatever means necessary to numb the lingering sadness I couldn’t seem to shake.



Alice Cunningham

Creative. Copywriter. Blooming blogger. Breathwork enthusiast. Ghostwriter. Bohemian soul. Creative collaboration inquiries: